I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Someone came in the potted fern
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
