hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
