Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just invented taco cereal.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
