On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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