I think I am morally bankrupt
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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