Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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