A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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