Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
