Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
