You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
