We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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