You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
