I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
