the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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