I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
