So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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