Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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