i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
