Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize