Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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