Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
