I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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