Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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