I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am in a vortex of obligation.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
