he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
