do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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