He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
