Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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