Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
