i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
