every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
