I'm lost and stupid without you.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
