Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
