Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
