It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
