Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
