white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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