I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just invented taco cereal.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
