fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize