Don't you send me to vm
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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