I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
