1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
