he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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