3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
