Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
