dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
