2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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