D3 body, D1 cock
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
