i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
