it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
