He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
