Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize