i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
