i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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