very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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