If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
