I puked a lego.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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