I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
