my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
