if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
only you would photoshop your dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
