Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
