I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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