"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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