and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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