I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
