i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
