i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
