Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
