3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I stole a fireplace last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
