I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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