I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
